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And now, at least according to one new book, it can bring women to orgasm. Unlike tantric sexwhich she says is "radically different," slow sex uses meditation techniques like mindfulness and focusing on sensitivity and pleasure. In the book, she offers detailed drawings and variations to accommodate same-sex partners.
The woman lies still as her partner -- fully clothed and with the lights on -- "puts all of his attention" on her, according to Daedone, stroking her erogenous zone "not any more more firmly than an eyelid. The woman concentrates "mindfully" on what she feels without the "running narrative" of to-do lists and the man focuses on pleasuring her. When practiced three to five times a week in a technique she calls "orgasmic meditation," women can experience her version of an orgasm -- not the male model that eludes 1 in 10 women, but a slower, subtler sensuality that can create intimacy between partners and allow a woman to carry desire inside throughout her life.
That does seem like a a lot of work for the man, but Daedone, who coaches couples, insists, "I never had a guy resist. Only women ask me that question.
Though some women may reach a conventional climax for the first time using orgasmic meditation, many will not, she said. But all will experience the tell-tale s: flushed cheeks, genital swelling and contractions. Some studies, those mostly funded by the pharmaceutical industry looking for the new female Viagrashow that 40 million American women have no interest in sex.
Daedone said the problem isn't that women don't want sex, they just want a different kind of sex. For women who are under constant pressure, caring for their families and managing careers, taking time out for self-pleasure in itself is rewarding. Her own journey started as a graduate student in gender studies at San Francisco State College when Daedone asked her female students what they wanted to know about sex.
Their responses astounded her; "Every single one came back, 'What's wrong with me? She learned about orgasmic meditation after meeting a man at a California Zen center who offered to demonstrate slow sex. Though Daedone had experienced plenty of conventional climaxes, she discovered that orgasmic meditation "had literally touched a hunger inside me," she said.
Since then thousands have attended her workshops on the technique to experience a deeper spiritual and physical connection during sex. Kelly Notaras, the book's editor and a slow sex practitioner herself, said the technique had been "life-changing.
Orgasmic meditation "takes the goal out of sex," she said. The man and the woman connect in a way that is very relaxing and easy and simple for her All she has to do is lie back and receive. Applying the practice can keep women in a continuous state of orgasm, for months, according to the book.
When we actually put our desire at the forefront, life becomes orgasmic. Barry R. Komisaruka neuroscientist and associate dean of the graduate school at Rutgers University, has studied the mechanism of orgasm and said it is a powerful pain blocker. He also discovered that sensation during orgasm affects multiple parts of both hemispheres of the brain, including the pleasure center. Historically, researchers have speculated that the contractions of the uterus during orgasm help draw semen into the fallopian tubes to facilitate fertilization or that it is important for release of tension.
In fact, the body releases powerful endorphins during orgasm. In his book, "The Science of Orgasm," Komisaruk suggests "the most important one is extreme pleasure and I think it probably has an important role in mate selection. Orgasm is "reinforcing and rewarding, he said. Like many biological systems, it' not essential. His studies show that many women can achieve orgasm without any stimulation, purely by thinking. As for theories that orgasmic meditation that can last for months, Komisaruk said, "What Daedone calls orgasm is what most people would call pleasure and bliss; what most people call orgasm is what Daedone calls climax.
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